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The film is an erotic farce that takes place in the 19th century in the United States and tells the adventures of John Keykett (owner of a saloon), Lulu (a prostitute) and Lucky Lucky ( the teacher).
19th century siblings Abilene and Tod, orphaned on their farm, become sexually attracted to each other. The confused Tod flees to a nearby town where he meets local bar girl Linda, and begins a sexual relationship with her. Meanwhile, a cowboy rapes Abilene, leading Tod seeking revenge despite Linda's wariness and growing compassion for Abilene.
Horses are being stolen by a white stallion known as "The Phantom of the Desert." A cowboy sets out to find who's behind it.
Joseph "Doc" Frail is a doctor with a past he's trying to outrun. While in Montana, he comes across a mining camp with a hanging tree and rescues a man named Rune from the noose. With Rune as his servant, Frail decides to settle down, and he takes over as town doctor. He meets Elizabeth, who is suffering from shock, and the two soon fall in love. But when Elizabeth is attacked, Frail's attempt to help her lands them both in trouble.
Esra Kincaid takes land by force and, having taken the Espinoza land, his sights are set on the Castro rancho. Government agent Kearney holds him off till the cavalry shows up and he can declare his love for Juanita, called “the Rose of the Rancho.”
Lucky Luke becomes the Sheriff of Daisy Town and runs out all the criminals. Then the Dalton brothers arrive and try to get the Indians to break the peace treaty and attack the town.
Set in the Old West, the stooges are crooked gamblers swindling the residents of a frontier town. They are discovered and must escape into the woods. To elude the sheriff they disguise themselves as Indians. Their plan works until Curly, dressed as a squaw, is forced to marry a local tough guy. The stooges are unmasked and wind up in the hoosegow.
Two tough westerners bring home a group of settlers who have spent years as Comanche hostages.
As a penalty for fighting fellow classmates days before graduating from West Point, J.E.B. Stuart, George Armstrong Custer and four friends are assigned to the 2nd Cavalry, stationed at Fort Leavenworth. While there they aid in the capture and execution of the abolitionist, John Brown following the Battle of Harper's Ferry.
Mann is a gunman informed by a childhood friend that his father was murdered years earlier by his mother and her lover. To make matters worse, Mann's sister, who is in love with his friend, is held under the thumb of his murderous mom. The two gunmen ride off to have a reckoning with her.
An evil ranch foreman tries to provoke a range war by playing two cattlemen against each other while helping a gang to rustle the cattle. Each cattleman blames the other for missing cattle. With the help of Bill Cassidy (Hop-along, because of an earlier bullet wound) and Johnny Nelson, the warring cattlemen join forces to do in the outlaws.
A scorned woman enlists the help of five strangers to execute a bank robbery. Tensions rise as the men anxiously await her arrival with the money, leaving the crew to wonder if they have been betrayed.
Rod Drew hunts for a missing girl and finds himself in a fight over a goldmine as well.
An army major, himself guilty of cowardice, is asked to recommended soldiers for the Congressional Medal of Honor during the Mexican Border Incursion of 1916.
A wagon train heads for Denver with a cargo of whisky for the miners. Chaos ensues as the Temperance League, the US cavalry, the miners and the local Indians all try to take control of the valuable cargo.
A powerful rancher always protects his wild adult son by paying for damages and bribing witnesses, until his crimes become too serious to rectify.
A young woman attempts to escape her past by emigrating to the moon colony of Ganymede only to have her past catch up with her
Arriving at Medicine Bow, eastern schoolteacher Molly Woods meets two cowboys, irresponsible Steve and the "Virginian," who gets off on the wrong foot with her. To add to his troubles, the Virginian finds that his old pal Steve is mixed up with black-hatted Trampas and his rustlers...then finds himself at the head of a posse after said rustlers; and Molly hates the violent side of frontier life.
A scout leading a wagon train through hostile Indian country gets involved with a Sioux chief's daughter.